A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins

2011-12-31T19:09:00.002+10:30

Though there is still 7.5hrs more to the end of the year, i have to say, it has ended with a BANG. My car window got smashed by probably a drunk buffon who's probably nursing a bruised fist right now. Whatever it is, i'm grateful for the mechanic shop that was open today and for the uncle who fixed me a new window. Looking on the bright side, it's just a window. Not an accident. It was just a dimwit trying to be funny. SO it's alright. I'll get over it.

I'm not welcoming 2012 like how i welcomed previous years but at the same time, i want 2011 to go away. Just go. I hope the first half of 2012 zooms by. In fact i hope the next 3 years zoom by and i earn a truckload of money and get out of this frickin' country.

Australia, how i miss you.

2011-12-23T21:06:00.005+10:30

By now, I would have posted pics of my 9 days thailand trip and be gushing about it on my blog, but sadly, i let my pessimist side get the better of me. i still occassionally think that it was a holiday that was ruined, but when i do, i try to talk myself into forgetting the digust and hurt to allow myself to see the good stuff that i gained from the experience. There are soo many adventures that i recollect and can tell to people of my 'backpacking' trip in thailand which involved taking crazy cargo ferry trips and 3-4hr bus rides, crammed with the locals, and the nauseating smells of fried food being sold on the bus while suffering from a hang.. i mean killer headache. Being followed by stray dogs and experiencing the overrated full moon party at koh phangan (why ppl even choose to go there, i don't know). exploring/snorkelling at 4 islands on a longtail boat, riding an ATV, riding pillion on a motorbike with a local, white water rafting... truly unforgettable memories.
Whatever it is, my advice to one and all is to choose ur travel buddies very, very carefully.

This year, i vowed that I would complete a run. I didn't give myself any specifics on the distance or the target time as i wanted to test my endurance and ability as i trained. So for the year 2011, i completed a 6K run in 42 mins and a 10k run in 1hr 12 mins. as much as i wished for shorter timings ('cos we always wish for something better), i am indeed proud of myself for the ability to even run 10 k's. It was a lonely run as everyone else i knew who were running did the 21/42 K's, but i did it and im satisfied with my achievement.
Next year i aim to run at least a half marathon. i know i used to think how cray people can be to run more than 10K's, but i'm gonna push myself to do it. of course, with the support of pri and sha.
And while i'm training for that, I'm gonna ensure i eat right and lose 7-10kgs and tone up as well. Time to take control of my body.

2011-11-25T12:57:00.004+10:30

It's so hilarious when u see a photo, post-proposal, and the guy's got the "I don't know what I'm getting myself into" look while the girl's flashing her ring with a great big smile. Absolutely hilarious. People need to have a reality check on their lives before tying themselves down to that one person.
I for one, am overly skeptical on getting married. So what if he can afford to put a ring on my finger? Can we sustain independently without living under either of our parents' roofs?
To me, its always important to have financial stability. Being a true-blue singaporean, i worry about how much $$ i have in my bank before i decide to get married. I know it's not ALWAYS about money, but I'm being practical here.
And then comes love. Haha. Money before love, My idea of marriage is so warped, i know. Are you ready to see that face, every day for the rest of your life? And if you're in a crap relationship with an emotionally unstable person, are you ready to handle all his/her (usually its her) crap for the rest of ur life?
Just think about it. I know it's selfish, but if you can't handle it, let the person go. 'cos there will be someone out there, for this emotionally unstable person.
In other words, dont just get married because you've been with someone for almost forever and it's just the next most logical step to get married.

Whatever it is, i know i'm blessed. Blessed with happiness, security and most importantly, Love.
But STILL, the wedding ring can wait.

2011-11-11T12:28:00.002+10:30

I am just utterly shocked at how people view their jobs/lives as the toughest, most difficult thing in the world. If you're always going to think that what you're doing is tough/tedious/ a chore, then it will always be that way.
Entering into NIE i was excited about being a student again. I was honestly starting to feel a little burnt out at work, emotionally and physically, and NIE was a good break. I wasn't sure what to expect and there were nights were I was up all night finishing up assignments, but I have to say, I enjoyed every moment of it. But not as much as i enjoy baking or chilling or eating, but i still enjoyed it nonetheless.
I feel we should enjoy every moment we spend at each juncture of our lives, be it at work or in school. 'cos no matter how tough it is, it might not be as tough as what you're going to face tomorrow.
So savour the moment, enojoy your time as a student/working adult and stop comparing it to someone else's life 'cos you never know what's happening in their's.
But i guess that's just human nature.

On a separate note, my body clock is so screwed up that its almost beyond help. "I sleep all day and party all night" (hur hur hur). More like party in my bed 'cos i can't freakin' get to sleep. So if you need company at 4.30am in the morning, you know who to look for.
Peace.
Out.

2011-11-07T21:27:00.003+10:30

For some reason:
I cant trust a pisces, no matter how much they trust me
I cant lie to a leo, they always know when I am lying
I cant stop talking to a virgo, they're just so...radical (wannabe)
I find the presence of an aries very comforting
I find that sagittarians have a natural sense of humour
And cancerians...sigh, they're just a breed of their own.

2011-11-01T20:55:00.002+10:30

I wish i can give u a hug and tell you that everything is going to be okay.
You will get out of this rut, nothing is permanent and things will change, for the better.

2011-10-31T01:24:00.001+10:30

While we're talking about all of the things I long to believe,
About love, the truth, what you mean to me,
The truth is: Baby, you're all that I need.

2011-10-20T13:58:00.002+10:30

"Baroness Susan Greenfield, former director of the Royal Institution, made the controversial suggestion that greater use of digital technology might be responsible for increases in the number of people diagnosed with autistic spectrum disorders."- The Guardian

Hah! A revelation?

2011-10-16T06:18:00.001+10:30

"Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me"

2011-09-26T15:21:00.003+09:30

"There will be times we will try to give it up,
Bursting at the seams, no doubt,
We'll almost fall apart then burn the pieces,
To watch them turn to dust but nothing will ever taint us

I won't go"

2011-09-13T13:33:00.002+09:30

I'm glad that special education is gaining some form of recognition in Singapore, after eons. In so many other countries, special education was developing in the 70's and 80's with the introduction of an inclusive society and education system. Whilst in Singapore, the idea of an inclusive society was only introduced in 2004 when PM Lee announced how we should be open, accepting, inclusive etc..
With that, the only recognised certificate in singapore for special ed teachers: diploma in special education in NIE was started, special schools were funded by the government (or at least partially) to send teachers to receive training, allied educators were introduced to mainstream schools BUT, have we REALLY become an inclusive society?
I still get stared at blankly when i say i am a special education teacher. Often i get a reply "ohh, childcare teacher"
No, i am not a childcare teacher. I am a special education teacher. I educate and empower children with autism and other disabilities with lifelong skills.There IS a difference.
( Do not get me wrong, i love childcare teachers. Or at least the ones who love their job and their kids, which sadly, is a small minority).
My kids (students)still get mocked/stared/gawked at when i bring them out for community living skills, with me standing beside them, in full sight.
I get parents telling me that they feel like such a social recluse. They get rejected when they try to send their kids to enrichment classes. This is enrichment classes that are supposed to serve as a hobby/interest for the child.
Stringent guidelines to get into special schools which are teaching the mainstream curriculum doesnt make it any better.
Honestly, how inclusive have we become?
Kudos to the expansion of Pathlight school and vocational schools e.g. metta, it is about time that this happened.
The government keeps advertising for teachers, MAINSTREAM teachers. Have they seen the lack of recognition of special ed teachers in Singapore?
Yeah, great, mainstream teachers make a huge difference in their kids life and yeah great that ure paying them more to attract graduates, with no passion for teaching into the education system. But why dont u pump that money into increasing the pay of special ed teachers, who work as hard or even harder, tirelessly, trudging on with all that perseverance to get that child to pick up a pencil to write a stroke, a single stroke? Its about time they pegged special ed teachers salaries to those of the mainstream. Its no wonder we lose wonderful special ed teachers every year. 'cos they find better opportunities AND recognition overseas.
In germany and the US, special ed teachers are paid twice as much as mainstream teachers and given even more training as well. When will we ever, EVER reach that state?
I feel for my children, i feel for my fellow colleagues and i am grateful for my lecturers who impart all the skills they can to us. For opening our eyes to the reality of special education in Singapore.
When will we ever be inclusive? Something tells me i wont be sticking around in Singapore to find out.

2011-08-31T00:57:00.002+09:30

Auntie Mary, ever so often you enter my thoughts and dreams. Ever so often I get reminded of your smiles and hugs.
I don't know if you can hear me but I want you to know that I miss you. I hate that feeling of not being able to see you again, to feel you.
You gave me the warmest hugs and you never failed to tell me that you love me. I never said this to you, but I love you too.
Youll always be my auntie Mary, with that enormous heart and cheeky smile.
I'll always love u and keep you in my thoughts.

2011-08-18T00:51:00.003+09:30

I have realised that learning best takes place when you have the interest in the topic and when what you already know is inter-related to what you are about to know.
It's amazing what tertiary education, coupled with working experience, does. I have to say this is one of the best learning journeys i have embarked on and I'm so glad that I was given the opportunity to do so. This has only made me more certain that special education is where my passion lies.
My lecturers are my greatest motivation. I yearn to have their knowledge, eloquence and experience. Someday.
It's only been 2 weeks and I miss the kids whom i taught. There's not a day that goes by without me thinking of them and their future. I truly miss them.

2011-08-11T16:20:00.002+09:30

My one wish, is to be more accepting of people. To stop judging them and to let them be as they want to be. I wish i had the patience of my boyfriend. He is the epitome of calm. Maybe that is why God put me with him, to teach me that I need to learn. I need you HB.
I'm absolutely lovin' my student life.

2011-08-01T23:30:00.002+09:30

Only Day 1 and I'm struggggling! i Know i can do this. Sheer willpower pulled me through today and...29 more days will zoom past before i know it.
The beauty of THE month.

2011-07-22T00:58:00.002+09:30

Again, i want to let out a huge, huge sigh of relief for half the year that has gone by.
It's been such a trying year, with soo much dread and disappoinment, that i don't really know what to expect for the rest of the year.
I hate living in fear of the unknown. I know, i should just suck it all up and enjoy every moment of living, but it is hard.
I think i should just be grateful for the people whom I have with me, right now, and the endless love that I'm showered with by them and the countless blessings that have been thrown my way this year.
I will be starting on yet another journey for the next one year. I am going back to studying and I really hope that NIE is gonna treat me right.

Auntie Mary, you will always be that angel in my life. Guiding me and telling me that everything is going to be okay. I love you.

2011-06-18T20:01:00.002+09:30

Self-regulation; it's something that I teach and impart to my students. No ONE person, no matter how neuro-typical he may be, can control his emotions when he is put into a situation where he is uneasy or tested emotionally or mentally.
Someone who may be on the autism spectrum will tantrum(floors, screams, shouts, gets violent and may hit others) when he is unable to accept something, and hence is unable to self-regulate his emotions.
A Neuro-typical person (With a good head on his shoulders) will usually walk away from the situation or self-talk to calm himself down.
Adaptability; accepting the environment (which may have changes) and moving on with with the plan.
Now, together with adaptability comes fake-ism.( A term i just coined. Very un-original, i know). Not always but pretty commonly.
There are amazing people who can adapt and accept any situation that they're put in without a hint of fake-ism and i am very amazed by these people. I sometimes wish i had their temperament and ability to just put differences aside and have a good time.
Some day.
For now, i will learn to self-regulate and adapt without trying to be fake.

2011-06-15T20:29:00.003+09:30

There are some things that we find soo hard to get rid of. I'm not talking about love, i'm talking about simple things like the links you put on your blog/website. You know that some of them are not updated anymore and you know that when you click on it, you're going to be greeted with the same words and pictures. OR worse still, you just DON'T click on the links but are just contented seeing 'the link' there, on YOUR blog/website. It might not make sense to you, but it makes deep sense to me and it leaves me with a deep, deep sense of loss.
Anyways, its a new start for me. I've talked about it over and over again with pri and sha and they hear me out every single time i moan about how disappointed and upset I am, and they join in sometimes and i feel better already knowing that i'm not the only one being over sensitive.
Sigh, what a day to be saying this, But I'm done. I absolutely cannot be bothered.

2011-06-11T02:11:00.001+09:30

take me back to august'08. when things were simpler and i was living where i've always dreamt of living in and doing what ive always dreamt of doing.

2011-06-09T01:20:00.002+09:30

I have to admit that i wasn't particularly adventurous when it came to trying out different types of food in Siem Reap. I shan't make that mistake in my hanoi trip later today.
Viet food, please treat my tummy right.

2011-06-02T10:57:00.002+09:30

What is it with guys taking pics with hordes of girls surrounding them and posting it on facebook? If they think it's a chick magnet, they're soo wrong. Well at least i Know that a decent chick wouldnt be attracted to it. Oh wait, they're not trying to attract decent chicks...

It's been soo long since I could wake up in the morning, go for a nice long run, have a leisurely breakfast and well, do whatever i want for the rest of the day. I Love holidays.

It is a much needed break after all that has happened. Physically, mentally and emotionally tested.
"Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be soo hard."

Lessons learnt:
I have to keep reminding myself that life is short and unpredictable.
Never let someone dictate me. I will only do what I love and do it with passion.
To respect and be understanding of people 'cos you never know what they may be going through.

2011-04-19T23:58:00.002+09:30

Omg, Revathi Perumal, if you had been more diligent with lesson planning, you wouldnt be suffering on backtracked lesson plans. 6 down, (neverendinng amount) more to go. God save me.
I absolutely cannot wait for the may/june holidays, Or any other holiday lasting for more than 3 days, that won't require me to be sitting infront of the laptop banging out lesson plans. Oh wait, that's never going to happen. No matter what, i will be sitting infront of a laptop, doing some form of report, possibly banging MY head on the wall.

I'm feeling driven to achieve soo many things. Many, many things.
Except maybe completing my lesson plans.

2011-04-17T03:52:00.005+09:30

While sitting on the F1 track, on a late saturday/early sunday morning, listening to the magnificent voice of John Legend, singing Live, I got reminded of you. As the sound of the piano resonated through the late night sky, together with the lyrics of the song, i couldnt help but think Yes, this song is for you. There's no better song to describe what you mean to me.
For your acceptance, tolerance and unconditional love. For your kind heart and gentle smile. For your loving touch and open heart.
I will stay with you.
"We'll be lovers for a lifetime, I will stay with you my ASBZ."

2011-04-07T11:18:00.000+09:30

your eyes, your embrace, your indescribable stare. why? why this dream?

2011-03-28T23:44:00.002+10:30

I absolutely detest funerals. NO ONE likes them but i dislike them not just for the obvious reason but because, for that few minutes/hours I am present, that neurological disorder that affects people with autism strikes me. Cruelly.
I avoid funerals at all cost.
It's that uneasiness, that inability to know how to react to the people around you. Do you smile and greet people whom you've not seen for ages? That would seem disrepectful.
Do you go to the direct family, affected by the loss, and tell them "I'm so sorry for you loss" or "I know it's a really difficult time for you" when that really isn't going to help AT ALL?
Maybe i'm un-feeling. Maybe it just hasn't hit close to home *knock on wood*
I hate funerals.
But i guess, as what William Shakespeare said,
" In time we hate that which we often fear"

My fear: Death.

2011-03-27T17:27:00.001+10:30

You may be going on a right, distinguished and well-paved path. But the life you lead is just sad.
Plain sad.
I would rather be contented with what I have and am doing than to get my priorities all mangled up.
My deepest sympathy to you.

2011-03-17T02:26:00.002+10:30

You know when u have a nagging question, and you finally ask it to the person and the person just talks about everthing else EXCEPT answer your question? now THAT'S annoying. Especially when you've asked it not once, or twice but THREE times, you just feel like screaming "stop avoiding the elephant in the freaking room you moron!"
and what's even worse is when they give a blow by blow account of every OTHER question that you've asked. Mega moron.

2011-02-12T19:46:00.002+10:30

It's not that i forgot, it's just that i have been soo distracted by one thing or another that i haven't been able to sit down, pull myself (and my thoughts) together to draft out something.
2011 has been very eventful!
I got my driver's license, i went on a holiday and i survived 23 years of living. Good enough for me.
It is immensely tiring trying to achieve one thing after another. I don't want to stop achieving especially when I know I have soo much on my agenda. And the satisfaction of accomplishing something on my own is just indescribable and enough to spur me on to do more.
As long as I am able to, I will do all i can. And that includes travelling.
Like evey other year, I plan to travel more this year. But unlike every other year, I hope to UP my travelling to maybe thrice a year. One down, 2 more to go.
I still want to experience Japan and stuff my face with as much sushi as I can. I want to go to siem reap again, 'cos i can't get enough of that place. I want to go to Santorini in Greece and see those little white houses. I want to go to Sicilia (Sicily) in Italy and have a coffee/bellini while people watching in a cafe.
I keep telling myself it will happen, all in good time.
For now I'm still looking at visiting Hanoi, Vietnam and Rayong Thailand. And i've yet to go to Brisbane, Goldcoast and Darwin. Alice springs as well. And the Great Barrier Reef. And even...

2011-01-30T15:29:00.003+10:30

Pre-Chinese new year doesn't seem to be treating us right huh? Everyone's been homebound. Wonder how the actually cny day(s) are gonna be like.
Do i care? No i dont care! 'cos i WONT BE here!!
Woohoo!
Jakarta, here i come.

2010-12-24T20:02:00.003+10:30

For some reason, Christmas this year doesn't seem to have much of an effect on me as it had the past couple of years. It might be because the annual christmas family get together has been discontinued, or that i do not have the teeeniest bit of enthusiasm to leave the house 'cos the entire country is gonna be PACKED. UGH.

Well, let me not be the grinch that stole christmas.

Merry Christmas you guys.

2010-12-19T14:33:00.002+10:30

Uni exams are not easy. Especially when you're just thrown into the system and made to tackle modules/topics that haunted you in the past. I am really proud of you, Priyalatha Kurusamy. You did your best, you stayed strong, you pulled through and that's all that really matters. Now it's time to enjoy your well-deserved break.

2010-12-11T14:34:00.003+10:30

For every one thing that disappoints you, there will be something that makes you happy.
I tend to get disappointed and let it entirely engulf me and that pretty much would set my mood for the rest of the day. But NO. Not anymore.
As what sha and i have long concluded, at the end of the day.....
Oh wells.
Thank you my wonderwall, Ritty witty, for listening to my heartfelt thoughts and feelings over happy hour. Boy, were we happy.
I am off to Cambodia. For real this time.

2010-12-11T12:17:00.001+10:30

Off to Cambodia! Wooohoooo!

2010-11-26T14:20:00.002+10:30

Never thought it would take this long:- baking my new recipe of choc chip cookies. The Recipe did not come with a temperature, so i Assumed it would be a normal cookie-baking temperature. The first batch came out as soon as i put it in (temp too high!) second batch took a wee bit too long to bake (temp too low) and the third batch (i think i've got the perfect temperature) just got put into the oven.
It's kinda like bringing a child up, except that you don't get that many chances to "adjust the temperature." You pretty much get what you give.
In the past 2 months i've become an aunt to a gorgeous baby girl. I've felt the need to protect, love and cherish, as if she were my own. I've spent moments with her, lying on me like a koala bear, just thinking about how amazing life is and what she is going to develop into. I've wonder how people who are perfect in my eyes (character-wise) were brought up. I wonder if I could bring up the perfect child.

2010-11-20T23:59:00.001+10:30

"I don't care about what anyone believes,
I only care about you and me"

2010-10-10T22:04:00.002+10:30

I think if i were surrounded by dogs (real ones, not human ones) i would be a very happy person. Chocolate labs, Beagles, Kuvaszs, sheepdogs, name it, i'll love it.
Dogs over having your own children, any day.

Ok, i need to get back to my reports. 1 page down, a million more to go. I'm really the queen of procrastination.

2010-09-17T14:18:00.002+09:30

I recently pondered about a friend. Since I've been on sick leave, i've had time to ponder. Lots.
I wondered why this friend went 'missing' and i wondered if it was 'cos I, or rather We, were bad friends to him. I definitely think not. But i could be biased. But really, i think not.
Then i thought about myself. And i realised that I am guilty as well. Guilty as charged. But i want my friends to know that I will forever remain grateful to them for what they have done.

I will never forget the most memorable 21st birthday celebration that you guys did for me. Sam and Rit, Thank you. Our Sentosa getaways, our 'atas' dinners and thoughtful gifts that we shared. Our heartfelt talks. Thank you for them all.
I do know how it feels.

On the same note, i hope my 'missing' friend at least finds a new friend who treats him, if not the same, but better than we did. And i just hope he's happy.

2010-08-30T01:27:00.000+09:30

My story is nothing like that of raintree's production of leap year. But, we do share a whole lot of things in common.
"If you are not too long, i will wait here for you forever." -Oscar Wilde

2010-08-14T00:52:00.003+09:30

Judging from the way my friends have stopped blogging, I guess it has lost its Magic or Its ability to make one feel better after typing it all out for the rest of the world wide web to read.
Or it could just be that they've outgrown their blogs and moved on to other outlets e.g. facebook. Personally for me, I just feel i can't keep up with my million and one thoughts that i often write something, usually halfway, and well, just leave it there...hanging.
I often do not post my entries, because after all, it is My personal blog and i decide what to share and what to keep as secrets.
What's been nagging me the most when i've tried blogging lately is the thought of friends and friendship. I have countlesss, COUNTLESS posts on that and i think one more might just make my blog puke and suffer from a hangover tmr morning.
Your judgement on friendship can start as early as 4-5 years old, when you first step into a play group/kindergarten where friends mean the world to you (or not). Sadly, after a couple of years, I got jaded and believed that no one person can have a best friend. Don't get me wrong, I loved my Primary School, my many friends i made PLUS that was mainly where the right moral values were taught to me but i just lost my grasp on friendship and having a best friend. Completely lost it.
To me, calling someone my best friend is as good as tying the knot, saying 'i do.' It's scary. It's a commitment you can't pull out of as and when. So when a friend of mine called a certain friend of mine my 'best friend' it sent shivers down my spine.
Sadly, I'm back to being that jaded person i was where best friends do not exist, where each man lives for his own. I hope someday my love-hate relationship with That term gets resolved and the whole fairy tale idea of having that 'perfect' friend actuallycomes true.

Disclaimer: Please note that this entry is not directed to any one person in particular. It's just me, being me.

2010-07-05T15:58:00.002+09:30

Let's be honest now. As disappointing and disgusting this world cup has been, it has taught us all some valuable lessons in life. Yes, in LIFE.

1) Never be too sure of something until u see it happen with your own eyes. E.g. Do NOT assume
2) Never degrade something or someone
3) Anything is possible if you work hard at it and put your heart and mind to it
4) Don't give up or lose hope in something or someone when they've let you down
5) Learn to accept defeat: that losers can be winners and winners, losers
6) Do not blame circumstances. Look at yourselves, first.
7) Learn to pass the ball- Share the load of your burden. Know that you can't always do everything on your own
8) Arrogance, Ignorance and Complacency will not get you far in life

2010-06-20T11:50:00.001+09:30

About 6 months ago, my father celebrated his 60th birthday. It was timely to hold a celebration as relatives residing overseas were back in Singapore for a cousin's wedding, which was held a few days before his birthday. So my mom and i decided to throw him a surprise party at a restaurant in novotel. Given the last minute decision (one day before!) there was little i could plan for entertainment except for speeches. I rounded up the key ppl, mainly his siblings, selected in-laws and my mom. My mother had asked me to make a speech as well, but i thought being the coordinator was a task hard enough. I did however help my mom draft out a speech (which she did not use, AT ALL, and as i found out, was a natural speech-maker) and thought that it wld suffice. On the day itself, everyone was being very cooperative and made their speeches. Relevant or not, meaningful or not, i thanked them all for their efforts. After we returned home, as my parents were relishing in the day's celebrations, i thought to myself, i wish i had made that speech. I let it go thinking that a few months or even days down the road, i would have forgotten about it. Unfortunately, 6 months later, i Still wish i had made a speech for my father. Well, to appease myself, i shall do it. Here.

Dear daddy,
A year ago, you made my 21st birthday speech. Whether you were meaning for it to or not, it sure brought tears to my eyes. Such are your words to me. Short, simple but filled with soo much meaning. When i sat down to think of what i could say today, i told myself to be positive and to say only good things. But that wouldn't be a genuine speech, would it? Because, i know for a fact that there have been days where i absolutely abhorred you and your mere existence. Then again, which daughter hasnt felt that way about her father in her fit of anger? But as much as i wished all those evil thoughts, i knew deep in my heart that i would never be able to live without you. Amma always believed that i followed after you when it came to my bad habits; my hot temper, being stubborn, being messy. What she didn't realise is that i try and constantly am trying to pick up the traits of you that I see..your integrity, honesty, giving heart, unconditional love, determination, sensibility....and soo much more.
No one could ever understand what you went through as a child/young adult, taking on full responsibility of your family at such a young age yet achieving academic excellence. I am sure your siblings are grateful for that.
I thank you for always bearing the brunt of our faults, for always standing by me through my many decisions, for always pushing me to reach for my dreams.
When i'm barely able to complete a 15 mins jog, you complete your first marathon at the age of 59. You have indeed taught me that nothing is impossible. For that and for all the many other things you have taught me, I thank you.
There are soo many incidents, soo many memories that i have of the times we spent together while completing my "young botany card" in botanic gardens on a sunday when i was in primary school, running around bras basah road for teachers' day decorations at 10pm and it would be difficult for me to share it all in this speech but i've found something soo apt that sums it all up: "The finest years i knew, were all the years i had with you."
I Love you daddy. And here's to many more wonderful birthday celebrations.

2010-06-18T01:54:00.000+09:30

A couple of years ago, a friend of mine who was an avid reader of my blog, told me that i should stop professing my love/gratitude for my friends via this medium as it sounded..how did she put it..FAKE. To think that i actually got affected by the comment and stopped writing shoutouts to my dearest friends for a couple of months. Well, bullocks to that friend, 'cos this is MY blog and I'll say what i need to say to my friends.
Priyalatha and Shahid, i love our impromptu, in-the-car convos that we hv talking about our lives, our futures. It not only eases the mind, but makes me feel soo safe and complete with you guys in the car, away frm the nasty world outside. I hope to carry on doing this with you guys as you mean the world to me.
I love the both of you.

2010-05-29T02:47:00.000+09:30

oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh, oh ohhh myy goshhhh!

2010-05-24T01:07:00.004+09:30

U know, we are constantly worrying about how we have all these deadlines and how we're not going to be able to finish this and that and how we (especially if you're working) think we're soo gonna get sacked for not being the best employee in the whole entire world. But you know what, at the end of the day, you WILL meet your deadlines, suck it up and face the worst people/fears and go through the entire process of being the best employee (in your tiny little workplace). I guess we just cant help but worry, no matter how much you know that you will find a way to complete it. It's that adrenaline rush from all that worrying, which we sometimes need, to pull us through the process.

I feel quite ashamed to say this, i dont know why. Maybe 'cos its something which i started out hating but ended up liking soooo much that i can't live without (hearing) it. For every one person who likes it, i seem to find ten others who dont! But i will say it anyway,
I can't stop listening to Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ohhh myy gossssh!
OMG, LOL. BRB while i hide. This (song) will pass soon enough.
But you know, there's always something about a song that draws you to it. And for me it's always the lyrics.

2010-05-22T03:47:00.004+09:30

To Teo Xiao Xuan, who is in France right now, I actually did wake up at 1.42am wondering if i mixed the date of your departure up. Please keep me updated on ur whereabouts!
I've been a bad friend, getting caught up with work and forgetting everything and everyone else.
One more person i need to mention:
Priyalatha Kurusamy, Happy Graduation. I have said it soo many times, but i'll say it again, I'm soo proud of you and what you have achieved.
Ok, back to being a lousy friend. Hahahaha..

2010-05-09T01:46:00.003+09:30

To those who said ironman 2 was not a good watch, you must have entered the wrong theatre and watched IP man 2 instead.
Robert Downey Jr., to me, is not exactly a superhero, marvel comics kinda figure. But i have to say he proved me wrong in soo many ways. I'm not wild about him or want to throw myself at him, like many girls/ladies/married women but he's a good watch. I would rather throw myself at the ironman suit, now that's gorgeous, in all its redness.

And on a totally different note, i've vowed to myself to stay committed to the cause.

P.S. I LOVE MY MOTHER.

2010-05-07T02:22:00.006+09:30

Sometimes, in the midst of teaching, when the head gets the better of my heart, I always remind myself of this excerpt from an awesome article that was shared with me.

".. three words: Patience. Patience. Patience.
Work to view my autism as a different ability rather than a disability. Look past what you may see as limitations and see the gifts autism has given me. It may be true that I'm not good at eye contact or conversation, but have you noticed that I don't lie, cheat at games, tattle on my classmates or pass judgment on other people?.....
All that I might become won't happen without you as my foundation. Be my advocate, be my friend, and we'll see just how far I can go."

I'm grateful that ordinary people, who have no direct role in special education, have come out to support children with special needs. It's heartening to know that there has been an increase in awareness. But what's worrying is when i look at this child, laughing and playing in the comfort of his "very much sheltered" special school, I wonder if there IS really a place for him out there which will bear the same tolerance and understanding and support for him. I highly doubt so.

2010-04-17T18:06:00.002+09:30

'And i love you for giving me your eyes, for staying back and watching me shine'
i throw them the most absurd ideas and give them sleepless nights worrying about me but i want them to know how important they are to me.
Mom, dad, i love you.

2010-04-10T12:49:00.002+09:30

Coby has taught me many things since he's been with us for the past 4 years.

"A relationship should be like a dog on his daily walking route. You see the same thing everyday but you're always dying to see it nonetheless."

2010-04-02T00:14:00.002+10:30

This, i have to say, is the FIRST april fool's that i have not been played a prank on. (Not that i ever fell for one). And neither have i played a prank on anyone this year (probably 'cos my partner in crime is busy finishing off her last 2 days at work. woohoo!). What a boring 1st of April.
And lo and behold, it's the 4th month of the not-so-new year. That's really quick.
As much as i preach about how crucial and necessary it is to maintain friendships, i havent exactly practiced it. Call me a hypocrite.

It's funny how that email, you know that cliche one which goes:

"In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you
have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.

In primary three, your idea of a good friend was the person who
shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours.

In secondary three, your idea of a good friend was the person who
would come over to your house and help you decide on which clothes to wear on
your first date, although she had her date waiting for her....."

Well that may all be true.

But when you're 23, your best friend is the person who knows what you want, where you want to be, who you want to be and how you want to be it. And that person is, YOU. Keep your friends close, but most importantly, stay true to yourself.

2010-03-24T21:40:00.000+10:30

Don't know if it's worth the effort, but am gonna do it anyway.

2010-03-18T02:58:00.001+10:30

"And i didn't know if you knew, so I'm taking this chance to say,
That i had the best day with you, today"

17 march 2010, Wednesday.

2010-03-16T16:42:00.001+10:30

Okay. I get it now.

2010-03-03T14:18:00.000+10:30

'in your life, you'll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team. i didn't know it at 15'
well when i think about it now, i feel i Did know. :) but how we learn over the years :)

woo! Yet another successful mobile upload!

2010-02-27T15:43:00.003+10:30

I was gonna mention a few things.
Firstly, I absolutely love my job
Secondly, i killed a cockroach
and thirdly, i'm going on a holiday no matter what anyone says.
Oh and a fourthly (this is not good, 'cos my GP teacher said that is bad essay writing) i am quite disappointed with people. but then again, who isn't.

the first sentence is pretty much self-explanatory. the second one, oh boy, my heart races everytime i get reminded of the cockroach running/flying (yes it was a flying roach!!) towards me as i drowned it in Baygon. I am really, extremely proud of myself for killing a cockroach. I have the most unfounded, tremendous fear of cockraoches yet i managed to run out of the room (it was near the doorway!) and grab the baygon. I survived Australia because i did not see any huge ass flying roaches anywhere within my vicinity. i only saw other weird looking insects which didn't really bother me. and bugs and pests, which just went away if you ignored them. that's another story for another time i suppose.
i'm going on a holiday. i don't care. that's all i can say.
i'm generally quite disappointed in people and the way they behave. That's all. But i guess everyone has a reason for behaving the way they do.

2010-02-19T02:41:00.000+10:30

So after one successful mobile update, i decided to do another. Just because I'm too lazy to get my ass off bed n switch on my laptop. Sigh, once again, the wonders of modern technology. How we love how lazy it has made us become.
I just wanted to thank Sam n rit for the really nice xmas (very belated, my fault) n bday presents they got me. I now have more reason to bake my heart out.
And talking to Sam always makes me reflect. It's soo utterly important to find something you absolutely love doing. Something you would give your all in n never dread going to or doing. It doesn't become a job when you love doing it. I think we should all take time to just reflect, do some soul searching, take a break n just...realise. Where your passion lies.

2010-02-15T22:35:00.000+10:30

After years of having my phone, I'm FINALLY able to log into blogger and type in an entry. Woohoo!!
I hope the world's most commercialised day was good for you, no i don't mean Chinese new year. Though i was slightly disappointed with the dress sense of women (both cny visitors n valentine-rs. it's NOT cool to dress skimpily. You're not gonna get more hongbaos or a new bf) i had an awesome day. And someone just flicked their smoked cigarette out of his window as he drove pass. Now, that's worst than skimpy clothes. And it's still so surreal that I'm being able to blog as i walk back. whether this is gonna get through and posted is another question, so i'm gonna stop typing and 'press' post.
Once again, woohoo to technology (IF this gets posted).

2010-02-14T02:46:00.002+10:30

It's the new year, Chinese new year. If you're chinese, Gong Xi Gong Xi. If you're not, Treasure it, 'cos it's the longest public holiday u're gonna get, ever.
And i just realised, this is the first ever, ever Valentine's day where i'm not being a sour grape and singing cynical songs about love. INSTEAD, i actually HAVE a date (and it's NOT Coby!), Surprise, surprise! and i absolutely love the company that i'll be spending my valentine's day with =)
I'm not one for festivities and goodies, i in fact avoid it if i can so i'm quite glad to be taking a chill pill and not getting involved in any form of visiting. I think i should start taking a liking to eating goodies. Hmm.

2010-01-17T20:08:00.003+10:30

Funnily, you tend to choose the people you wish to spend your toughest year with. It's not a nice feeling. When i went through being unemployed and education-less, i was absolutely embarrassed and upset trying to explain my thoughts and feelings to people. I almost became a hermit. It's (Obviously) not fun.
However, i feel that everything happens for a reason and there is almost, always a lesson to learn from every downfall.
I re-entered the special education sector and am now a special education teacher once again. There may be much more to accomplish but i am satisfied with where i am, for now and i am going to just heave a huge sigh of relief for being able to re-enter the sector in which my passion always lay in.
Through the year 2009, there were 2 very, very important people who never judged me. They never questioned me, they encouraged me and they kept me sane. I will never forget the help they gave me and i will never underestimate the power of friendship and love.

As i returned back to school, i saw some of my old pupils. I was amazed at how they've grown and matured (and how they still remembered me as Teacher. Rev). It was incredible hearing how some of my pupils have graduated and moved on to mainstream schools and other special ed schools for older kids. Indeed satisfying to hear things like that. For a child with autism to progress in such a manner is indeed a major achievement for him, his parents' and every single teacher who has taught him.
I remember PM lee mentioning on how he wishes that Singapore becomes an "open and inclusive city". Inclusive, i hope, to accept people with special needs. To do so, i feel people need to be educated, informed and given the opportunity to interact.
I came across a book in the library titled "Look me in the eye" by John Elder Robison. A biography of his life living with asperger. What is asperger? It's an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) which is milder than autism but shares similar symptoms. Being a biography, a life account, you can see yourself being drawn into the way someone with asperger syndrome would think. There are parts of the story which make u laugh, giggle and even tear. It is such a good read.
As teachers, we are constantly told that we are the bridge to which the kids we teach are able to connect to the world out there. But even as teachers, we can never really understand what or why they behave the way they do at times. But then again, we aren't mind readers. We're merely educators.
I hope that people become more well informed about ASD and not just learn it as a module or a tiny chapter in their tertiary education. It's really more than that.

2010-01-10T23:30:00.000+10:30

Happy Birthday to...ME! Haha! That sounds pathetic, but i'm 23 and i deserve the advertisement.
On the note of being pathetic,
I was just thinking, it's soo easy for us to say "She wouldn't know what it feels to be in my position." When you think about it, it's quite pathetic. I recently said that to myself not too long ago when I had a, hmm, friend sorta cackle (sure did sound evil) over the phone when i was explaining my plight. I'm not being the bigger person here writing down my assumptions but when i hung up and over the course of the few days that past after, i found myself saying "what will she know".
Very pathetic.
I apologise to that friend for assuming that her laugh was mocking and i apologise for not thinking she would understand. I do know she has been through her fair share of shit the past 2 years, and honestly, my life in comparison, is a bed of roses. Whether she knows its her i'm talking about i dont know, but i just feel better knowing that my mind has been cleared of thinking the way i did.

I agree soo strongly on how we tend to live on expectations and expecting too much from people and vice versa. It makes life miserable. Stop it.

Plans

2010-01-04T15:53:00.001+10:30

So last year (seems soo long ago), was a rather unfruitful one for me, i gotta admit. I had my fair share of travelling at the first quarter of the year, but the rest of the year was spent groaning, fault finding, self loathing, self pitying... I know i havent been showing much of that side of me in here, but trust me, it happened.
What i'm grateful for is the travelling i managed to do. It may have all been in the same country, but i'm glad i at least got around and experienced a different part of the world.
I loved sydney, I'm glad i managed to travel beyond Perth and see freemantle and the wineries in Swan Valley. I loved the feeling of familiarity, stepping on Adelaide soil once again. Never underestimate the little time spent in a country.
Last year brought about much self discovery. It taught me to appreciate the value of money, education and friendship.
For the first time in my life, i found myself feeling soo alone in the company of certain people whom i used to feel close to. Sad, but that's reality.
At the same time, i found more love in other friendships that have always been close to my heart.
I've learnt that being grateful is one thing and showing gratitude is another.
Families and relatives change. And most of the time you just got to grin and bear and wish you didn't have to put up with all the family politics that goes around.
I love my parents tremendously. I spent a large part of last year questioning them and their love for me but i've come to realise that parents, at the end of the day, are the people who brought you into the world, who gave you all they could and want to see you do well.
I'll remember the past year for many things. The good and the bad. The sad and the happy moments. It made me a stronger person and it made me realise how absolutely ugly people can get. It allowed me to do some self-discovery and it was the year that taught me to take risks.
As i face a new year, 2010, as i grow a year older, I'm more sure than ever that I know what i'm doing with my life and I'm glad it came to me in the nick of time.
I'm going to work towards my resolution. I'm gonna keep people close to my heart. I'm gonna be a changed me.

P.S. i Love the twister fries too.

2009-12-05T18:31:00.004+10:30

I'm not really into all this pro-feminism s%^$, but once in a while i get these quotes that make me laugh out loud and agree with them somewhat. And this was one of them:

"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.
If you give her sperm, she will give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she will give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she will give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she will give you a heart.
She multiplies and enlarges whatever is given to her.
So,
IF you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit."

Sometimes women tend to give you a whole lot of s$%# even if there was nothing to start off with in the first place. We women have to accept that we're not all angels- We have our downsides which seem to amplify over time. I do agree, we endure 9 months of pain and bring life to the world, ya da ya da, but how many women actually want to even have children at this time and age?
I think as women, we have to keep ourselves in check and not think all high and mighty about ourselves. We may have gained advancement in terms of career and financial status as compared with women in the past, but we should also keep in check the moral values that were bestowed upon us should always remain within us and not get lost along the way.
To be respected, to be admired, to be given a voice, to be given equal rights: We say we want them, but are we ready for them, are we worthy of them?

2009-11-24T17:26:00.003+10:30

And i'm back again after the crazy few days of WORK. I actually like the sound of that.
Anyway, I have been juggling two blogs lately: This blog (my ever trusty blog which will always take precedence over any blog) and my new FOOD BLOG! (click here!)
Yessss, ive started a food blog...what do they call them? Flogs? (L invert invert).
It's been something that ive been quietly contemplating over and then i accidentally let it slip while having coffee at starbucks and as always my muse encouraged me to go ahead with it and i did.
And im really glad i did.
So if you're free, go check it out. Its linked above and at the side. All comments are appreciated. Thank you in advance.

And let me just give you guys a good piece of advice. If you ever, ever go shopping in the evening and you see a tired looking sales assistant (probably limping)...BE NICE. They've probably been working the entire day, standing for 10 hours straight, facing the ugliest of singaporeans and foreigners. So be that breath of fresh air and smile and say thank you. It helps. You never know, you might even get an extra discount.

Never mock the 3 people superstition. Im now beginning to see the truth in it.

2009-11-18T06:39:00.002+10:30

I absolutely detest people (not being specific here) who tell you to do what you love, but eventually choose the path you have to follow. What's up with that?
No one, absolutely, NO ONE should have a say in what YOU want to do and want to accomplish. I find it sad when people enter the local uni to do, i duno, some weird-ass course that doesnt even sound like a course. If it has always been your passion to specialise in jumping over a wall, and you take it only to end up in teaching, doesn't that say enough?
On a different note, i should start making friends with people who don't have a life and are awake at (timecheck) 4:31 am and can't sleep. And are willing to talk to me when im at my most hyper and emotional and riled up. I wish i could bake now. But if i did, the entire world would wake up.

And as always, you come to my rescue. At 5 am in the morning =)

2009-11-08T13:35:00.002+10:30

Warning!! Do not watch paranormal activity if:
(a) you sleep with your partner, alone in the same house on the same bed
(b) you tend to hear/imagine weird noises in the middle of the night
(c) you think "how bad can a movie get?" and are too brave for anyone's liking

If you can relate to any one of the above, good luck. The movie $%^&s (sorry for being soo explicit, but i can't help it) with your mind i tell you. Ive not woken up this many times in the middle of the night hoping to see daylight. Never have i been not able to sleep after a scary movie, but like i said, this one *&^%s (sorry again) with your mind. Either that or im jus getting faint hearted as i age. I hope i get to sleep tonight.

On a much better note, HAPPY ADVANCED BIRTHDAY to TEO XIAO XUAN. we havent taken a photo together in ages and we need to take one soon. Though we may not be meeting on your birthday, i hope you have an awesome one while mugging for exams. Haha!

Referring to a friend's blog entry and a conversation i had last night with another friend, its crazy how dramatically our body changes and how long our systems take to recover as we grow older. Running on 3 hours of sleep in JC was deemed as normal and it took prob a short nap in the afternoon to recover (if you could afford the time) else ur body just found a way to recover with what little rest you took.
Now, 5 hours of sleep makes me cranky in the morning, i get splitting headaches and to top it all of, a one-sided bodyache coupled with stomach discomfort. And an afternoon nap doesnt make it any better. WOoo! i LOve growing up.

Girls who take photos from only one angle showing only one side of their face irk me. Haowen Chow needs to update his blog and samantha liow please have a safe trip to HK tomorrow.

And the reason to why ive been findin it soo hard to blog is cos i can never find a proper ending to them. JUst like this...

2009-11-03T00:51:00.003+10:30

WooHooo! Finally i did it! I sat my ass down and searched my ass off for a new blogskin, which i am for once, in a gazillion years, satisfied with. Double woohoo!
Change is good. And it is about time we see some changes =)

2009-09-20T19:29:00.003+09:30

To a really near and dear friend:
While i was in the bus today, I got reminded of that time, when we were in bus no. 5 and you told me that you pressed the handicap "bus stopping" button by accident, and how the ramp opened up and you just stood there in embarrassment. I laughed to myself and got reminded of all those bus rides we took, when we would sit and laugh at the stupidest things. How you would msg me on a sunday night and ask "what's for homework?"
I miss you and ive missed you. Just the other day, as we lay side by side listening to the ocean, waiting for our food, i couldnt help but remember the stupidest lamest things i would call and talk to you about. I do know its not easy talking to someone you dont speak to often nowadays, but i always feel right when i am talking to you. everything i feel just comes out, unknowingly. You have been my rock, my guide, my happiness when im down and you have always made things right. You have always been there no matter what ive said or done and i really am grateful for that and i want you to know that you will always be a very special friend to me, Priyalatha Kurusamy.

2009-09-17T13:15:00.002+09:30

What does a relationship encapsulate?
We've heard of relationships that consist of constant bickerings, jealousy, insecurity and distrust. We've seen relationships that lack communication and understanding.
Relationships are easy to judge, from a third party's point of view, and i admit, ive been a judge of many; relationships that my friends were/are involved in, couples that i see on the streets, heck, even those in tv dramas. It's easy to judge and advice, but having been on both sides of the fence, i can now say, its easier said than done.
I have had such a warped view on relationships, to the point where i was left asking myself at the beginning of the year, what do i REALLY want?
I have since come to realise what a relationship SHOULD rightfully encapsulate.
A relationship, to me, is not something that you go into for the sake of having someone. Its something that is well thought out and maybe even planned with your partner even before you decide to become exclusive. It is something that does not hinder your growth as an individual, but in fact, it should be a driving force for you to want to achieve more in life. You should never feel that you're trying to be something that you're not. A relationship should allow you to still do the things that you've always been doing as an individual and still have the time to do things together as a couple. You should always be able to speak your mind and heart out, no matter how embarrassing the issue may be. A relationship should not restrict you, it should be FUN; However, you should also be able to sit down as a couple to discuss serious issues. It's wanting to spend every minute of the day together, but you know you can't. It is also about accepting your differences and coming to a compromise. A relationship should be healthy, in ever sense. A relationship, most importantly, should make you know what it is to be loved, unconditionally and genuinely, by someone you have absolutely no blood ties with.
There's soo much more to say about how a relationship should be, but i guess this is what i can conjure up for the time being, or what comes to me when i think about how it is. =)
Friendships, on the other hand, should always be kept close to your heart. Ive had a really good 2 weeks meeting up with my cousin/s, RPSF and sam n rit, that i feel extremely happy and contented.
And you'll realise that all you need is love.

2009-09-01T14:05:00.003+09:30

A few days back, i had this really bad urge to watch a movie. I dont know what got into me, but if you know me, im not exactly an avid movie goer. I could go w/o watching a movie for months, maybe even a year. But anyway, i did feel like it and chanced upon a movie, "Coco avant Chanel" or better known as "Coco before Chanel". I was intrigued by it, but didnt think much of it till i was asked " you mean Coco (the brand) came before Chanel?" Which made me want to delve more into finding out about: Coco Chanel.

We all know that Chanel is probably one of the most recognised brands in the haute couture fashion industry. Chanel was first started by a woman named Gabrielle Bonheur "Coco" Chanel who was a tailor. She had a deep interest in fashion and clothing and decided to venture into it. After a failed attempt she managed to build herself back up and began to establish herself and her brand. What intrigues me bout this woman is that she managed to make something out of nothing with just her passion in fashion and talent in tailoring. I guess she was also lucky to have financial backing from the people in her life. She changed how women dressed, changed their mindset on the way they portray themselves, made them realise that it was for themselves that they were dressing for and not the men they were with. She made cheap materials look expensive. As of all legendary icons, she did have her fair share of controversy and scandals. But we are all human and humans err. For a woman of her era to have established herself and her brand to what it is today, we really have to take our hats off to her. Coco Chanel pursued her passion and never gave up no matter how tough circumstances were, how even when a whole population of people, namely the parisians, were against her and her business when they heard rumors of her having an affair with a Nazi spy, she never gave up. Her involvement with the germans during the second world war still leaves many people skeptical about her. I do believe there is a lot more to this woman, with regards to the war, and i would love to delve into it. But for now, im gonna pay tribute to her hardwork and her rise from her humble beginnings.

"Let my legend make its way in life" - Coco Chanel

For being a fashion legend that will live for a very very long time.

2009-08-12T04:15:00.001+09:30

Apart from the fact that i've been real busy with my pets, i really have no other reason to be busy. So im sorry if i've seemed M.I.A 'cos i "fly like paper get high like planes."
CuE: L shaped fingers (invert invert invert)

It's funny isn't it, how fragile friendships can be. No matter how bad you try to fix it, mend it to the way it was, it just doesn't. I still want to be that shoulder to cry on when ur MP gets the better of you. And i still want to call you everyday to talk bout..nothing. Nothing has changed, except that i met the love of my life, but other than that, its all still the same.

I never realised how intimidating homos can be. I honestly have nothing against them but please, please do not stare at a guy (suggestively), ESPECIALLY when he's with a girl.

Australia, is a place that will always live in my heart. I will never forget the friends and the amount of crazzzy stuff we did in order to keep sane. The good, bad and ugly that i met. The craziest weather and health freakouts. The visit from the best friend and the really trying moments of battling obstacles alone. I've loved every moment and experience of it and i hope to return back to that life, some day. Maybe not in Australia, but somewhere where i can live my dream once again. And maybe not alone, but with a really special/good friend.

I'm done battling with people, helping them to battle off H1N1 and now I dont really know what life has in store for me. Ive always been a true believer in going all out to get what I want. But for once, im letting life come as it is. I'm not sure if this is very much suited for me, 'cos i need my life to be in constant motion. I need to know where I am, where Im heading. I need to noe that im able to stand on my own two feet. So, this feeling IS quite sucky. I need to noe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and im not gonna let opportunity slip by me. IF opportunity comes by.
I guess Life doesnt go down, down, down...at some point, it has to start heading up. And right now, im glad that i have at least one thing/person to show me what it feels like being up there. Though it is short-lived, u help me forget everything and feel like the happiest person ard. Thank u.

My Life. You Electrify My Life.

2009-08-03T01:39:00.002+09:30

On the topic of going against the natural order of things, i didn't realise how bad it would get with Coby and Charlie. I would like to think that things will get better and that Coby will stop whining and getting jealous over my littlest fussing over charlie. He is after all a cute wittle wabbit. But its been a week! Okay, im just impatient. Give it time.

But it's been weighing on my mind for month's now,
Guess I'm trying to clear some mental space.
I just wonder, do you ever...?

2009-07-29T02:31:00.003+09:30

Two nights ago, i brought home a boy. I was scared as hell as we walked in through the front door. On first impression, my parents really weren't too pleased with what they saw, even Coby went a little berserk. I watched his (the boy's) body language as i decided where exactly to situate ourselves in the house. i finally decided that my room would have to do, for the time being. Mom, sure as hell, wasnt pleased.
I, for one, am very very grateful for his patience and bravery. Coming home to a new environment is daunting as hell. He's been such a gentleman and trying his very best to be on his best behaviour. Only showing me what he's really all about behind closed doors. He's found a really special place in my heart with all the quirky things that he does. I can't wait to introduce him to my friends. In time.
But for the time being, photos would have to do.
Introducing: Charlie.
And, thank you my heat.

2009-07-11T02:08:00.002+09:30

there are some things i find hard to tolerate:

1) men who wear mismatched blazers n pants
2)men who wear different coloured shoes from their belt

i duno, its either they are colourblind or they just think they're making a new fashion statement. think again.

2009-07-05T11:44:00.001+09:30

My cousin and i, in an effort to stay healthy, decided to go on the macritchie nature trail/treetop walk on monday. Macritchie to both of us, is a place where we used to have family picnics, watch the monkeys gettin it on with each other (no my family is not perverted) and torture the younger cousins by bullying them silly. halfway thru the walk, we realised that the treetop walk was closed but we still decided to trudge on and when we did reach the top, we were more than satisfied knowing that we made it, somehow. getting out and seeing civilisation was just absolutely priceless. but we still enjoyed the walk nonetheless.
I hope this doesnt get all cheesy and mushy, but i hope and wish that everyone finds someone to love and cherish the way they would want to be. we all dont realise how much we need to be loved and love till we find that one special person.
Cherry cherry bom bom. Eh Eh, there's nothing else i can say.

2009-05-31T17:51:00.002+09:30

we're not sure how things will change and how people are gonna change. we ALL change over time. as much as we kick, fight, throw a hissy fit over change, it is never gonna stay the same. what we have is bound to change its how we accept it and come to terms with it.
Ive changed since australia. Many times i see myself stepping away and asking myself how i became that screwed up person, some times im glad ive learnt to @#$% the world and be my own person.
Sometimes we wish everyone could accept everyone else for the way they've changed, but i guess that is a wee bit too much to ask for.
We all have different ways to adapt with change, we need time to accept, some of us take it as it comes, some of us jus live in constant denial. There's no one person who is right or wrong, but if it works, hey, everything falls into place. like a jigsaw puzzle.
everything has a way of falling into place.

"Stand by me 'cos nobody knows the way it's gonna be"

2009-05-24T17:28:00.001+09:30

If we tend to dream of the things that weigh heavily on our minds before falling asleep, then i have to say i have been thinking the weird-est stuff.
How appreciative we are of past stolen chemistry textbooks from the library. Guide me you damn guide book.
We all run into our past at some point in our lives and we sometimes ask ourselves how things manage to sort themselves out from that huge, ugly mess that it was once in. Ive learnt that no matter how bad things can/may get, they do get better. That quote i saw on my cousin's room door more than a decade ago, still leaves a lasting impression on me.
"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then its not the end"

As rough, as bumpy as the ride may be, we should learn to be appreciative of the things we still have ard us. tangible, intangible. maybe its that friend that u can always rely on, or that walk with your dad. maybe its that night out by the beach or the coffee with friends. whatever it is, there is beauty in mess.
Sometimes we lose faith in love, sometimes we don't believe in it, sometimes we just give up. Sometimes we have to realise that love comes in many forms and love, as confusing, as trying, as baffling as it is, it proves to be the answer to everything.
We dont give ourselves a chance if we don't try. maybe sometimes we just have to let go to find out what we're truly missing out on.
Let's catch up.
"If you put enough love into any situation, it will work out right in the end"

2009-05-12T02:10:00.002+09:30

complete =)

2009-04-22T02:31:00.002+09:30

u noe, we tend to miss the finer things in life... good friends, family, alcohol, that lover who cheated on you..
we wait and linger around that one day when we can have it all again. Yes, tht time with the good friends, family, alcohol and lover who cheated on you.
The things we do.
I realised that if there's one thing that i would and could eat every single day, it would be salmon sashimi. every freaking day.
and i realised if there's one thing that i would and could listen to, its something that ceases to exist.
I think, i think many things but i just dont say them.
I think you made me a hard-er person. I don't know if i should be grateful for that.
Though i dont say it, i will be there for u, when u need me to, when u want me to, I will be there for u.

2009-04-16T17:49:00.003+09:30

U noe, life is like clearing out ur inbox, u just HAVE to get rid of some of the stuff that u have been holding on to for a wee bit too long.
i fear many things.
i fear death, unlike sam, the thought of paris hilton dying as well doesnt really help ease the situation. im surprised no one's killed her...yet.
i fear the fate of friendships. As silly as it sounds, i fear where we would all be, 2 yrs frm now?
i fear not being able to fit into my clothes.
I fear people with haphazard emotions. You never know whats next on their agenda. Or rather, they dont stick to what's already on it.
I fear losing coby.
I fear being just a number.

Why do we moan and groan about our lives when we, ultimately are the deciders of our own fate? We cant change circumstances, but we can choose how we want to handle it.

Only you know the significance of this pic, and only now do i understand how much it means to u. I love it, i really do.

2009-04-10T16:12:00.005+09:30

So its good friday and i hope everyone is having a....good friday. YES i noe its not a very happy occassion, ive been in a christian school, long enough. shut up.
So anyway, Im tired for no apparent reason and i was on the verge of sending out adverts to employ someone/anyone who would clean my room ( wadrobe and shoe rack included...plus O.T. no cpf cuts). Any interested applicants? Didn't think so.
So rit has been vegetarian for 40 days. U make us carnivores proud.
While i was out yest, a female friend exclaimed in exasperation how she has fallen for a guy who is in a rship BUT wants to be with her. He's just not that into you. He likes her, she likes him. He's just not that into you. He feels for her more than he feels for his gf. He's just not that into you. He wants to be with her. He's just not that into you. What shall i do rev? huh? oh..He's Just Not That Into You. Sorry.
Book getting to my head? I dont think so.
I just feel u shd love someone who loves you just as much. And reciprocates. Or at least makes that bit more effort than you do.
People with girlfriends or Hung up over ex-es need NOT apply. Thank you very much.

2009-04-05T23:05:00.003+09:30

So in the past week of whirlwind of activities, birthdays of 4 very important people in my life passed by:
Namely My 2 brothers, my baby coby and Pri.
I wish them well, and hope they had an awesome time.
And after a long, long time, my family of 5 reunited in a foreign land: Perth, Australia, for the oldest brother's graduation. parents were more than excited to visit the place tht my eldest brother is possibly going to be spending the rest of his life. and then to adelaide where their youngest daughter is possibly going to be spending the rest of her life....ha.ha.ha. i just saw 3 daggers being thrown my way.
Anyway, so,
The family was together,
I looked fat as ever,
and we lived happily ever after.

Before taking one of the 134 flights that i took in the past week, i remember walking into dymocks to buy a book. It finally came down to The Reader and "He's just not that into you." And lo and behold, considering the mood i was in and the hot pic of Jen aniston on the cover, you wouldnt have guessed which i chose.
Ok so, lets be honest. Im sure at some point in our lives we've all been in love. Maybe not particularly with a man (or a woman) maybe a pet or an inanimate (thanks facebook) object. But im sure we've been there, done that, knowingly, unknowingly.
While falling in love is a somewhat easier and more natural process, falling out can be like walking through hell, with all its fury.
This book, as much as i thought was gonna be a STORY book ended up being a self-help. And i, for one dislike self help books. But As stupid as it may sound, this book was empowering. It removes the grey area of relationships and mens' behaviour. It teaches women to take things as either being black or white and basically puts them in control of situations. NO more what if's, should i? Buts? U either take it or u leave it. So goodbye to all those girly meet-ups discussing men and their primitive behaviour. Now we can have our martinis minus the men-talk.
So i was having a debate with a cousin not too long back bout my escapism (according to her) to australia. She had one question for me "are you not strong enough to handle the pressure?"
To which i ask "are you afraid to venture out of your comfort zone to experience life, out there?"
Dont get me wrong, I AM grateful to my motherland for all she has offered. My education, my formative years, my friends, my values. I went through 21 years of my life here in the country i was born. It passed me by like a breeze, that till today, i wonder, where DID those years go? Did i lose it to the excessive pressure masked as our education system? Hmm, i wonder. You may call it an escapism but i see it as making a decision on the type of life i want to lead. I guess, then again, we all have different views on how life should be led. Some find comfort in leading a controlled life, while others just want to be. Whatever it is, may God bless you all.
Thank you guys, for everything. For the adivce pre-trip and the post-trip 'debrief'. I love u guys loads.

"And with my best, my very best, i set you free"

2009-03-13T16:54:00.001+10:30

I wake up every evening, with a big smile on my face and it never feels out of place =)

You know, Single Ladies (put a ring on it) by Beyonce has become such a BAD inside joke with my cousin and I that its become not soo funny anymore. It's beginning to haunt us, everywhere we go. First it was somewhere in orchard when we were having coffee, then it was in sydney at my cousin's WEDDING, then on our road trip to Canberra, then it was during our sushi lunch not too long back. Now we just cringe when we hear it.
But really, if you like it then you shouldnt put a ring on it.

The year 2009 has been a horrible year thus far. In fact, horrible would be an understatement. All disappointments that i probably would have faced in a span of 12 months, hit me all at once in barely 3 months, make that 2. Thinking it was just me, i decided to shrug it off, but when the ppl around me were going thru shit as well, i concluded that this HAS to be the worst year yet. Its been a true test of character.

I think the people who put together my oreo cookies must have been new to the kraft factory. The cookies have their backsides facing me. Or maybe its just another bad joke.
uno msn is soo fun. haha. thnks niran for introing it to me on a drearrrry friday when i was faced with SHIT. We'll try to get yours working pri.
n yay to the weekend.

lets delete u, delete me out of each other's life. that shd work.

2009-02-20T16:25:00.002+10:30

I dont get why people put such awful pictures of themselves on facebook. I noe im no model myself, but at least try to look decent in it, not constipated.
i'm having soo much problems packing and i have no idea why. It wasnt this bad when i was leaving for adelaide last yr, the bag doesnt seem big enough no matter how big it already is. I have approximately 2.5 more hrs before i leave and im still sitting here deciding what to do with my toiletry bag, if i shd put in an extra pair of shoes or if i can squeeze in just one more top. OOOOone more only.

I have vowed not to meet up with pri, sha, fa before leaving for a trip 'cos all the excitement that i was feeling for the trip disappears almost immediately and i start to miss them soo, soo, soo bad and before i noe it im wailing "i dont wanna leaaaaave" and hearing "then dont leaaaaaave"in response. NOT helping.

samantha liow, i hope we make tht adelaide trip in march. pls get back to meeeee. i need yooou like water, like breath, like raaaain. i need youuu like mercy from heaven's gaaate.
so yeah sam, tell me how ur planning goes.

and oh God, please help me survive the transit and 11 hours journey.
Cousin and i were laughing at the choice of movies screening in our individual flights. different airlines but either flights no better than the other. looks like i have to resort to the tamil movies to put me to sleep, yettt again. and my trusty old ipod.

I thought of you and the time we jumped the fence. Pool side, stripped down we dove right in. I'm crushed black and blue, but you know i'd do it all again for you.

Gonna miss you guys like F.. and pri, good luck for the exams. Access card ;)

ja ja ja jaaaaded, yeah i'm the one that jaded you~~

2009-02-16T01:39:00.002+10:30

soo the whole hoo-haa bout valentine's day is all over. thank god.
i did miss you last night, more than the past few nights, since nov 26 2008, but it did come to my realisation, after quite a bit of denial, that if its not meant to be, then its not. we meet, we get to noe, we fall head over heels in love, we leave, we miss, we realise and come to terms with it. hopefully.
I will keep missing, SO, TOLERANCE frm my friends will be very much appreciated =)
out of sight, out of mind. but at the same time, distance makes the heart grow fonder. if distance was not an issue. if only.
"rev's not a fighter"- fa
U were right. Not when it comes to love, No.

Its been soo HOT. its 'pissing- off' hot. Its like 33 degrees, "i need a cold drink every 5 minutes" kinda hot. it was soo scorching hot today i felt like stripping in public and screaming. both, very ugly sights, but i felt like taking it out on the weather.
i still have absolutely no idea what to wear for my cousin's wedding, havent packed, havent looked through the wadrobe, have no idea of a dress that i can see myself buying.
Im glad im getting out of the country.NO OFFENCE..hor.
i wanna pack all my friends and bring them along but australian customs will prob send me and them to jail. sad. very sad.
it felt weird not having you there last night. it just didnt feel complete.
singaporean men are beginning to smell nicer. at least in my part of the island.
i went for a super long run, like the one i did 2 weeks ago and i loved it. then i got back and had ben & jerry's =)
so at the end of the day, a positive and a negative make a negative.

2009-02-10T02:21:00.009+10:30

This entry is dedicated to 3 amazing people: Pri, Sha, Fa.
Its funny how it all started with 3 people sitting right at the back of class. 3 of the shortest ppl (ok sha, u werent THAT short). How we wld hv pri's double chair. How we wld enter class early in the morning and she'd get pissed when the chair went missing. Hahahaha!
When fa realised how cool we were, he decided to be part of the dynamic trio. And the rest as they say is HISTORY.

Sha:
I love all the late night phone convos tht we have, discussing girls, boys, toys. haha. How we would talk bout the future. How we dream of having hot chocolate, the finest cheese, lying on a field lookin up at the stars in a far away land. How we came up with the funniest nicknames and made haowie feel left out. LOL.

Fa:
I remember u as being the only person to ever see me come close to crying. I'll never forget the looks we exchanged. Blooooody doc.
One i can never get pissed with n never gotten pissed with. U make me laugh till my tummy hurts and blush till u actually see red on my cheeks. U make me see the joy in crystal field theory.

Pri:
I have soo much to say to you cos u have been the one person who has been there through it all.
Youve taught me soo much more than i could ever imagine. Every step of the way even after we've left school, through our arguments, our assigments, our SBJs. We've been through more downs than ups and we've spilled our hearts out to each other. There have been days we've sat in silence together n days we never stopped chattering. You've stayed true to the person that you are and hv always been. I love you.

from 2006

to 2007

and 2008.

2009-02-08T05:54:00.002+10:30

i swear, i love my friends soo damn bloody much.
Rit, Sam, Xx, Pri, Fa, Sha.. i think i wld prob have gone crazy without you guys.
I love the fact tht everything just spills out, in no freaking order, when im talkin to rit and sam.
I love the fact tht Xx noes exactly how im feeling w/o me having to say a word.
I love the fact that pri, fa, sha dont judge me when i start getting emo and singing "run baby ruuun!"
I think depression is almost impossible when you have the greatest friends by your side. When you know they will always be there for you, no matter what.

2009-02-06T04:21:00.005+10:30

so im in a bit of a reflective mood, will come to that later.
i was slightly disappointed with The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I feel the movie dragged on for a wee bit too long, but some things said in the movie had soo much meaning.
"I hope you live a life you are proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."
Yes Brad did well and so did Taraji, but i can't say the same for Cate. As much as i loved watching Brad in all his youth, i was still wondering how loooong more there was to the end of the movie.
Halfway through the movie, it also donned on me how ive abandoned two of my greatest passions, music and ballet.
I remember, since young, how i had always wanted to be part of the Royal Ballet School in London. I would practice my ballet steps soo hard, give it my all in my exams every year. Auditioning round after round and competing with ballet students from all over singapore to get a part in the nutcracker at the kallang theatre in 1998 was probably one of the highlights of my ballet education. 8 years.
Watching a ballerina perform, every point, plie, pirouette is just breathtaking. People mock the grace of ballerinas, but its grace itself tht brings out the beauty of ballet.
I love ballet.
Sooo, anyway, after the movie, 2 of my cousins n i headed to the pretentious looking japanese restaurant that Sam, Rit and i always walk past on our way to cafe iguana or wherever in clarke quay, but never enter. Until today i duno what its called Sun, Moon whatever... Food was good, not as pretentious as the restaurant that i went to with the family for my 22nd bday (though food in that restaurant was awesome). I could live on Japanese Food.
then we headed to HELIPAD, where my cousin was flashed the torchlight on her face by the bouncer (though SHE/HE looked too small to be one). We were like"what what what what.."(Sam n Rit, this is to the tune of you noe who)
And on a totally different note, i think i would make a lousy actress or model. I have the dumbest facial expressions.
I don't wanna jinx it, but im really looking forward to meetin up with pri, fa sha tmr- "Sooo much crazinessss.."

oh yes, Sun meets Moon dining.

2009-02-02T01:42:00.001+10:30

Finally he's gotten wht he deserves.
Rafael Nadal wins the Australian Open.

2009-02-01T03:40:00.002+10:30

i need to start running and swimming again! i rmb when rit n i used to hit the gym or go swimming a couple of times per week, i felt like i could conquer the world. now i just feel like i can roll around the world.

2009-01-18T05:09:00.002+10:30

howie Gruess Gott Willkommen bei Muenchen! says:
oh talking about dreams, i had a dream about u
u dragged me to a BSB concert
Wa lao, then u were screaming your head off
and then we were like all the way at the back
and u fought your way to the front like some mad person
and then somehow u ended up on stage
i also dunno how that happened
and u were dancing with the Backstreet Boys
oh and lastly um,
i had a disturbing image
u were making out with kevin

rev says:
how is tht disturbing? its freaking awesome!!!

howie Gruess Gott Willkommen bei Muenchen! says:
ewwww

2009-01-17T01:19:00.001+10:30

turning 22 has taught me:

not to take my youth for granted,

"enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.. in 20 years you will look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now, how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as u imagine."

to treasure the friends that i have,

"understand that friends come and go. But for the precious few, you should hold on."

and to love, proper.

"Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with those who are reckless with yours."

2009-01-07T04:59:00.000+10:30

Because its 4-sth AM and because i just got back and cant sleep, i shall blog.
The past 3 days have been filled with nothing but socialising, crying (2 yrs worth) buckets of tears and counting one's blessings. ALL of which are non-related events.
Whether my parents are feeling it or not, i sure am for them: The EMPTY NEST syndrome. The second brother has found his own place and moved out. Apart from the fact that its just coby and me now and the house is awfully "pin-drop silence" quiet, Im glad i have somewhere to runaway to when the smothering gets a little too overwhelming.
My brother's new place reminds me soo much of adelaide. Sitting out in the balcony, watching the stars, soft music playing in the background..Perfect. and to top it all off, we saw a shooting star tonight (or shd i say last night). all i could say in my head as my brother and i watched the star shoot and disappear across the sky was "fuuuuuuuuck." It was beautiful but still, "fuuuuuuuck."

Im wishing on a star, to follow where you are

2008-12-30T08:14:00.006+10:30

the year 2008 has to, by far, be the best year ive had.
I would not exchange a single memory that i have of this yr for anything else in this world and im ever grateful to my parents for givin me this opportunity.
the yr away from home brought me closer to the people who mean the most to me, it taught me some of the greatest life lessons and most importantly, it taught me the true meaning of living life to the fullest.
Sam, get that camera, chase tht dream.

You guys mean the world to me:

.

and may- youre not forgiven for makin me read gay blogs. addictive.
niran- the first thing we do the next time we meet is to take a photo.lol.

2008-12-25T02:53:00.003+10:30

It's Christmas Day.
Got back earlier than expected from xmas eve dinner (glad we met up, sam & rit. Love the presents) and I was planning on plopping myself infront of the laptop with ice-cream to watch chick-flicks just before the stroke of midnight, in celebration of chrismas, when i received an email from a friend in adelaide.
I got thinking of life after reading the entire email.
This particular friend was someone whom used to live in hostel with me. He was pretty well established, practicing medicine. couple of months ago he got separated from his wife, went through a pretty rough patch, got kicked out of the medical board, wasnt allowed to see his 2 boys.
Things got better and now he is trying to make something out of himself and i personally think he is getting somewhere.
I remember how i used to bump into him in the kitchen late night/early morning and end up having looong chats on life. How we once decided to f*ck the world and go trekking for 5 hours straight. I used to see him as a brotherly almost fatherly figure.
The heart aches as i think of him spending xmas alone in hostel (considerin many ppl hv flown back home). After all it is xmas, the time when u SHD be spendin it with family, friends, loved ones. Not having a single one of them with him must suck a whole damn lot.
I hope things start looking up for him.
I wonder wht i would be doing if i had to spend Christmas alone in adelaide.
would i be sitting infront my laptop blogging?
would i be contemplating life and the decisions ive made?
would i be watching a chick flick with ice cream tub in hand?
or would i just decide to have an early night?
I wonder, i wonder.

Merry Christmas one and all.

2008-12-23T02:31:00.005+10:30

okayy, peek a boo , halle-loo.
Ive had a pretty awesome week and I'm thankful to the people who spent it with me.
The meet up with ros. How we FINALLY both found the time to meet up. My fave clown.

And then Sam came over n we finally got down to baking our fabulous white chocolate raspberry cheesecake. I have to say it was quite impressive for a first attempt. Sam we shd give each other a pat on the back when we meet up again.

Met up again the next day, Watched twilight, got high and went to play pool.
Then we had Sam's grandpa's 80th bday on saturday, which was just beautiful. Sam looked resplendent in her kebaya. I sat in awe watching all the beautiful women, young and old, carry themselves with such ease and grace in their outfits. Watching her family come together for the occassion. Just beautiful.
Thank you Sam, for everything, u're an amazing friend.

And on sunday, i had an awesome time at the Singapore Versus Vietnam match. Yes we lost but i found it absolutely amazing how u instantly get into the spirit of things when ure sitting in a sea of red, among ur fellow countrymen. I had fun with my 3 other buddies who were there, and as always pri and i were really grateful to have our guys as friends. The things they do even if it meant missing the match. thnk u guys =) and thnks to niran for the tix!
and as always, my trusty running buddy. we see each other almost every other day and im soo glad we do cos u never fail to brighten my mornings. the loooong chats, pouring heart out sessions, we never seem to run out of things to talk bout.

2008-12-13T05:59:00.003+10:30

I've finally gotten into the swing of things.
Im thankful to all my friends whom ive met up with over the past couple of weeks for making me realise what ive come home for. I remember what i missed the most when i first arrived in Adelaide was how i couldnt pick the phone up and ring just bout anybody and say,
"free anot? lets meet up"
or receive smses from friends that read,
"thursday im meeting you for lunch, whether u like it or not"
im soo glad im able to do all that once again.
anywayyy, rare rare sneak peek into my cousin's engagement, wedding and dinner..

Sadly, my 2 brothers werent there with us to celebrate the OCCASSION.

Went kebaya hunting at Arab Street with Sam but food got the better of us. No photos 'cos sam said
"wazzup wazzup. wait until i cut my hair. wazzzzup"

I also:

drew on dinner tables

went on the Singapore Flyer. WoooHoo. thnk u doo!
played with lights. K fiiiine la, i was flipping open my phone.

and started my nonsense with skinny. LOL.

Not bad.
Next entry, we'll go back to facebook "what are you doing now". 'cos too many people have been asking for it.

2008-12-06T04:28:00.002+10:30

The past few days have been CRAaaaZy. Soo crazy that its had me wondering "why, oh why do hindu weddings have to last THIS long?"
For those of you who dont already know, one of my cousin's just got married. The first marriage in the family from my generation, so you can imagine the amount of effort that was put into it.
I have to admit ive learnt quite a bit from the whole wedding preparation. The entire family has undoubtedly grown closer, considering the number of 'meetings' we've had and having to see each other almost every other night for the past week. ive grown much, much closer to my cousins and im thankful for that. we're only left with the wedding dinner now, which is gonna take place in 15 hrs time and im scared shit 'cos its taken me quite a bit of time to sort out the guest list and tabling, i hope i dont mess it up tmr, and i wish sam could be there =(
still have ppl to meet. Ros, Haowie, Xx (our 2 hr lunch meet up is not counted). next week when the craziness has settled down.
cousins who r still overseas, its bout time u guys started coming back.
and ritty, have a safe trip.
ok i absolutely NEED to catch up on my sleep.

2008-11-30T13:48:00.006+10:30

i can now officially say im BAAAAAACK! after all the surprising and surprising you, surprising me.
dinner with rit and sam on fri was awesome.. the laughter, the gossiping, the look on rit's face when she saw me, the awesome awesome company. dont need to fight over webcamming (for the next 2 months at least).
catchin up with the lil' gang: pri, sha, fa was extremely FUNNY. tht was when the whole "surprising you surprsing me" happened. Thank you guys for the cake, madagascar
( or according to Gab, mega desker), dinner and the effort u guys put in.

i now noe wht it feels like and i apologise for giving stupid advice like,
"just keep ur mind busy, dont think too much and go out meet ppl,"
'cos missing someone/something can be CRAZY. so crazy, all u hear running thru ur head are songs tht hv always made u cringe e.g. Michelle Branch's "Everywhere."
Doesnt help when uve got half his playlist on ur itunes or when u guys r chattin online n,

______ says:
i miss u

rev says:
im missing u like f$%&

____ says:
then come baaaaaack!

i noe my frens hv got my back. i noe they will be there to catch me IF i fall.
i missed u guys soo soo much and im glad to be back =)
let's catch up like crazy for the next 2 months, and i'll see you in 2 months time.

En jy my hart in jou hande vas, vanaand

2008-11-23T04:11:00.002+10:30

I've had a pretty horrible week of exams but like what mom told me, "whats done can't be undone" so i shall f$%^ it and get done with my last paper and come back hooooome for the holidays.
And like i was telling Sam, coming home is gonna be soo bittersweet. There's soo much that im gonna be leaving behind but at the same time, soo much to come home to.
Sigh.

2008-11-14T14:04:00.002+10:30

I just spent bout half n hour of my life looking through a distant, distant friend's album of photos with her boyfriend of 6+ years. I dont really noe what made me do that but all i know is that i felt that feeling of warmth rush over me as i looked thru her photos one by one.
I remember having this conversation with a friend, not a very pleasant one, probably one ive had many times with many other people, but its always left me thinking when im at my most emo-est.
We all, deep down inside, long to be loved. As much as we deny it, as much as we try to tell ourselves how independent we are, as much as we try not to look at love in the eye, we all noe that we DO want to be loved.
Maybe some of us dont feel the urgent need to 'cos we have love of other forms from other people e.g. parents, siblings, friends, pets.
My perception of love and relationships has changed quite a bit. I still embrace the fact that love is something sacred. something that u share with someone special. not something that is said soo easily or taken too lightly.
Relationships on the other hand is based on one's perception. 7 months ago i would have said stick to one rship and make sure it lasts.. but now.. i guess i would advice someone to take ur time, dont give urself away too easily but meet as many ppl as u can, have good, clean fun but let ur guard down at the right place n time. don't do something that makes u doubt ur decision, even for a second.
And when ure sure uve found the right one, never let him go.