It's my last day at work today and i decided to pen something down before leaving for work.
It's been 8 months. EIGHT long months. I've had the BEST experience of my lifetime working at rainbow centre. Undeniably, there were days where i had to drag myself to school. Days when i dreaded having to face some people. But i remember telling my colleague, just last week, that the kids who were under my care were my angels. No matter how under the weather i was feeling, how upset i was over something that had happened, how tired, how confused i was, the children took it allll away. No one, besides Coby, has EVER had that ability to do that to me. For that 5 hours i spend with them, every single worry and pain i feel just disappears into thin air. There were my lifesavers, my emotional anchors. They brought out the most creative side of me, they brought out the crazy, bubbly side of me.They brought out the best in me. My friends who probably saw me in school would never know that there was this side to me! haha!
Over the weekend i was thinking about what got me into this line, why i decided to do this. So i decided to look through my personal diary for a teeny clue, and there was something which i wrote in 2005,
"I just want to work with children with special needs. It's a calling."
Till today, I can't put my finger on why EXACTLY i want to help and work with kids with special needs. I remember when i went for my interview with the school late june last year, i was asked, "so, why special education?"
I was stumped for a good minute but i know that whatever i said came straight from the heart. It wasn't something that was pre-planned, i just said what i felt deep, deep down. And I'm soo grateful that the board of interviewers saw through my fear and gave me this job of a lifetime.
I don't know any other job that would give greater satisfaction than this, probably nursing, but nurses are a whole different league on their own. They're angels handpicked by God, i believe.
So, on my last day at work, it's gonna be a bittersweet farewell. I hope i don't shed any tears. And i have to say every punch, kick, slap, pinch, bite, push, yank, spit, scratch i received was DEFINITELY worth the experience.

I don't know when i'll be back again,
Oh babe, i hate to go.

[EDITED- New & Improved!! lol (yes, yes i noe the whole contradiction of being new & improved)]

God has blessed me tremendously through every step of my journey and preparation for my studies overseas. I'm not one who puts my whole belief in fate, but when it comes to love and other issues which can't exactly be handled by just one single person, you and just you alone, then i feel that's where fate has to come in.
Pretty much like in love, i felt that if things didn't fall into place, if i hadn't gotten my acceptance, if my visa didn't get approved in time for my air ticket to be issued, if my accommodation wasn't ready, if my medical check-ups (for my visa) went all wonky, then really, i'm not cut out for this. And i WOULDNT have gone against these signs and fought it, like i USUALLY would. I would have accepted the fact that maybe, it just wasn't meant to be.
But the fact that i did get my acceptance, my medical check-ups were scot free, my visa was approved in TWO days (THANK YOU AUSTRALIAN IMMIGRATION!!), i have a back-up accommodation even if there aren't available rooms in the hostel, and most importantly, i got my air ticket, just goes to show that: THIS IS IT.
and NOW it's time to start packing. FINALLLLLLY!

From this whole experience, i've learnt that you should never underestimate the power of gratitude, of a simple e-mail, thanking someone for their help.
i've learnt that worrying is not going to help or contribute to any situation.
i've learnt that its best to wait things out.
i've learnt that i love my parents & coby more than anything in this world.
i've learnt that it's no use giving it back, twice as hard, to someone.
i've learnt that its no use depending on someone/something too much.

what i havent learnt though, is how to answer "did you find no reason to stay?"

give me something to hold on to.

I woke up to that sappy, emo Guy Sebastian (as fariz claims) song, which i dont know the title of, playing in my head. It was on the cd which was on repeat the WHOLE TIME we were at coffee bean last night. And now, i have the next song (on tht same repeated cd) purest of pain by son by four playing in my head. I wonder what the title of that cd was? hmmm..
anyway, you guys are the best. Pri, fa, sha i'm gonna miss you guys soo damn bloody much. And rmb, NO MEET UPS WHEN I'M GONE. Not even with a webcam.

This week has been hell of a ride (just like any other week, hahah!). but a different kind of a... uh, ride.
The whole preparation of going to aussie land is HARD WORK. mentally stressing. there has not been a minute in the day when i'm not panicking about getting everything done in time. My parents have been the most excellent people in the world. I swear, without them i would be, as Sam puts it, a headless chicken. Halfway through my work day my dad sends me a text msg to say that he's managed to solve one problem or another, and i can practically feel tears of gratitude roll down my cheeks. It's not easy having to balance work and managing other preparation stuff at the same time. As sad as it may be to end work at the end of the month, i can't wait to write the next chapter of my life (sounds familiar?).
In my whole process of preparing for stuff, i think i've tampered on the r/ships i hv with certain ppl. my emotions have been on a roll. i've been snapping away like a lobster. I gave a whole lecture on RESPECT to a 24 year old , that's how disgusting i've been. so, if by any chance you want my honest and possibly crude opinion on anything in this world, now's a good time to start asking. ha..ha.......ha.
anyway, as much as i love jason mraz's new song "i'm yours", the beginning of the song sounds like sentosa's theme song. just my honest and observant opinion on the song. But it really is a nice nice nice song.


"There's no need to complicate, our time is short.
This is our fate, I'm yours."

yup I'm satisfied 'cos i've managed to accomplish a couple of things in the past few days of my holiday. My wonderful friends who took time off their busy, busy schedules to spend time with me, namely Pri, Doo, Sam, Rit, Ros & Aini, THANK YOU!

Today is a 'stay-home' rest day and i have the entire house to myself. Pretty sad though, 'cos i was hoping i could spend at least one day with my parents, but they're both busy. OOoh well, the price i have to pay for a comfortable living. Haha!

I wasn't intending on planting myself infront of the PC today, but One Tree Hill got the better of me and Coby wasn't exactly in the mood to get me off my chair either, so i've been sitting here for the past 9 hrs or so. (Yes, i have showered, somewhere in between that 9 hrs). So, in that 9 hours i've been doing a far bit of research (while waiting for one tree hill to stream) and getting myself all mentally prepared for what i am probably gonna be facing in approximately a month's time. Prepping myself for the wonderful ppl i'm hopefully gonna be meeting and comfy place that i'm hopefully gonna be staying in. Oh and since Sam's mentioned it on her blog and my cousin Anita has unknowingly announced on my facebook wall, i might as well mention it here as well:

My dear friends, faithful followers and readers of this blog, I will be leaving my ever-so-secure, comfortable, sheltered, beautiful life in singapore, for a life in the land downunder, to go further my studies, next month.

Fa,sha, i wish i could have told you guys personally, i'm sorry you gotta find out through this medium.Will tell you guys more when we meet next weekend.

Lately, I've been real nervous and anxious about the whole flying away thing. Initially, I was totally hyped up and thinking FINALLY i get to live my dream. Now However, I'm wondering if i'm prepared to leave my parents, friends, relatives, Coby and whatever i've made my life out to be over the past 21 yrs. In the words/lyrics of Corrine Bailey Rae, "I thought that i was stronger."

Yes, there is the whole excitement of starting afresh, a whole new life and future ahead of me, being a little closer to my eldest brother and the excitement of getting my friends to visit me over there. =D

I'm not gonna change, simply 'cos, i don't want to change. I'm not gonna come back a snob or a party animal. I know I'm rooted enough to know where i come from. I just hope i make friends who are as wonderful as the ones i have over here.

In the whole load of preparation that i have to do over the next couple of weeks, mental preparation is prob the one that tops the list. So i guess going overseas isn't exactly a bed of roses. =)

On a brighter note! Sam, rit and i went for the Greek exhibition at the museum and it was pretty good.

And we went for another exhibition - Bedazzled.
Rit and I trying to be ONE with Sam's motherland in this pic. We're TRYING.

Thereafter, the fondue we decided to have for the sake of eating something n waiting for One nite stand's doors to open.

its the hol.. hol.. holidays! My msn, which has never failed me once, is starting to act up. SO if you see me signing in and out and are getting irritated, i apologise way in advance. I'm tryin to be nice to msn 'cos it is going to be my best buddy in months to come.
I'm gonna dedicate the rest of this entry to my dearest friends. You guys figure out which paragraph/sentence belongs to you =)



I'm soo proud of how you've become so comfortable with yourself, or at least, on the road to getting there. I know you're gonna be fine. With or without you, with or withoutttt youuu. Can you read my mind?? Can you?? lol



I love the fact that i can speak to you about alll types of music, from Metallica to Coltrane to Mika! and get addicted to the band at one nite stand. haha!



Somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looked like your girlfriend.



Stop trying to hook me up with all the people i don't want to be hooked up with. I'm gonna get you hooked up with them eventually. So watch out! Jodhaa Akbar =)



Stop thinking too much about where to go from here. Join me in the land downunder!



Handsome boy from Sembawang please learn to charge your handphone more often.



Finally, you initiated a lil' gang outing. I can't explain the warmth i felt when i received your sms. seriously. haha.



and finally, one for myself:

'cos you don't realise how much you're gonna miss them till you're hit with the reality that you're not gonna be able to be with them.

One tree hill is soo bloody addictive. And it's soo bloody relate-able. It always leaves a huge lump at my throat while i try to fight back tears.


"I know. I didn't come here to rehash the past. I was reminded today, in a roundabout way, that the most perfect act of love is sacrifice... ...I love you. And I think I have since the first moment we locked eyes. And it is going to suck, but if what you want is for me to let go then I'm gonna do it. Be happy. I want that with all my heart." - Peyton Sawyer

My last day of work was supposed to be yesterday, 29/02/2008. However, i got my contract extended till the end of this month. April's gonna be a month with a whole load of changes and yup, it's about time i told Rit and Sam what's happening. Tonight, tonight.
One of my colleagues ended her contract yesterday. She's a year younger than me and she entered a couple of months after me. It was an instantaneous 'click' when i met her, i guess 'cos, compared to my other colleagues, the age gap wasn't that huge. I am gonna miss her quite a bit. Her chatter, laughter, quite a joy to hear at the end of a work day.
I feel that the people i work with, the people who have been in this line for years are soo different from the common people on the streets. Everybody i meet ask "how do you do it? how do you not get emotionally dragged into the job?" some give you pitiable looks while others commend you. The co-teacher i've been working with since the start of this year has shed light on what special education is all about. This year has been exceptionally tough and in many ways, your co-teacher influences you in how you cope with the 'stress' that you face. My co-teacher is probably the most soft-spoken yet firm teacher i know. She's creative yet realistic. She gets what she wants from the kids without needing much reinforcement. And best of all, she's soo easy to work with. She's taught me to look at things from a different perspective, to not be soo hard up about achieving goals, to enjoy every single day and moment spent with the kids no matter how trying or testing they may be. People who choose to have a career in special education, particularly those who choose to become special ed teachers, are truly a gift.
The past 7 months of working in a special ed school has only made me more certain of my passion, It's made me more certain of what i want and what i want to achieve. I'm soo glad that i took up this job instead of jumping into the uni track and doing something that i might not have enjoyed at all. At least after these 7 months i know that i really, truly want to be a speech therapist and honestly i'm gonna go all out to achieve that dream. Nothing, NOTHING is gonna get in my way.
Sigh..Jon Jonsson.