I thought of you and where you'd gone,
and the world spins madly on.

You'll be dearly missed by us all.

i SWEAR. truly, bloody, freaking SWEAR i dont know where i'd be without my closest friends and family. i honestly felt like nothing was going quite as well as i was planning it to. OBVIOUSLY when you hv to face a "uh-oh, now what?" moment, mixed with feelings of paranoia as well as unfortunate news about the ones close to you, you pretty much don't know where to run.

i constantly tell myself that things are only going to get better from here. And true enough, they are.

my friends have put back in me the life that i had long forgotten about

(Rit, Sam, Pri, Fa and Sha you guys are the most awesome people & we have to never, ever, ever stop seeing each other.) , my parents have decided to support me in my educational path which makes me feel pretty certain and satisfied on how my future is going to turn out and best of all, my cousin in hospital is doing fine. so at this point in time there really isnt anything more i can ask for. except for maybe a change in the scorching hot weather, but even that doesnt bother me anymore 'cos its just God's way of showing who's boss.

i finally mustered up the courage to go to the hospital to visit my...cousin. i find it weird calling him my cousin because i've never really thought of him in that way.i always thought we were family friends but when mum took the time to explain the relation i decided to accept the fact tht we are cousins. but all tht didn't really matter when i saw him, lying there. n all tht flashed before me was the incident when i was 9 and his parents and my parents were in some casino which us kids (my 2 elder brothers and he n his younger brother) were prohibited from entering. but boys being boys, zoomed in while i stood at the entrance reading the rules & regulations over n over again and just when i was about to take the risk and zoom in after the boys, the cheeky-looking security guard appeared. so i sulked and sat outside. but less than 5 mins later, out he came, my...cousin. and he asked me why i didnt run in with them and i told him i was scared and i didn't really feel like going in. so he pretty much sat with me and kept me company for the rest of the time that our parents were inside.
when you remember someone by that ONE incident, it hurts you like F&*$ to know that that same person, who put aside that fun that he could have had with the other boys to sit with a boring 9 year old girl, is in soo much pain. it breaks you down. that hard-up, emotionless persona that you've lived with all your life is thrown out that window and you allow yourself, to for once, lay out your emotions for everyone to see.
seeing him lying there has left me soo shaken. i've not stopped thinking about my visit to the hospital or the image of him trying to speak and lifting his bandaged hand for my mom to hold. almost as if he was telling us that he was ready to get out of the bed and get on with life. but we all know deep, deep down inside that its gonna take him time. LOTS of time. But i know he'll pull through this. Slowly but surely. Just when i was about to sit and type this out, i looked out the window and up at the sky and saw a blanket of really dark clouds,which sent a shudder down my spine. but when i looked at it again, i saw a peek of bright blue sky. and that, i guess is the reason to why we're all able to pull through this life, filled with mercurial twists. we know that there is some good that will come out of this.